Mom protests when brother agrees to babysit 1-year-old and 3-year-old nephews, backs out when partner's surgery is rescheduled: 'It would be too short notice to take the day off'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 13, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Sometimes, the act of trying to find childcare can be even more stressful than the job of parenting itself. Many babysitters can prove unreliable, and even when they do make the date, they can be a significant expense. It is no wonder that many parents feel like they don't have a life outside of their kids.

Of course, many moms and dads also have the privilege of relying on family members to take care of their kids now and then, but even this can come with its problems. Some relatives resent being used as a source of free childcare, and others may not be providing quite the same service that would come from a professional. It is more difficult to be particular when a loved one is offering a favor. 

At the same time, whoever is babysitting owes it to both the kids and the parents to be upfront and try to communicate as best as possible. Life happens, and issues arise, but it is how they are resolved that matters most.

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  • Cheezburger Image 10541761280
    via Cristian Castillo

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • An uncle was left pondering if he was in the wrong when he felt he had to cancel on his previous agreement with his sister that he would babysit his two young nephews while she and her husband went to a concert. His reason behind this was that his partner was having surgery, which had been rescheduled to around the same date, and he wanted to be there to support her in her recovery.

    This left his sister in a difficult position, as even if she cancelled her tickets, she still needed the childcare. He wanted to know if he was justified in his decision.

  • WIBTA if I didn’t look after my sister's children?

    For context - my sister has two boys (3, and 1) and lives around an hour away from me. She asked me back in May if I could look after the boys at her house so her and her husband can go to a concert. At the time I said yes, however she's not mentioned it since then apart from to tell me she was thinking of selling the tickets.
    via Fresh_Sport_4738
  • Since then my partner was scheduled to have surgery last month (with enough recovery time to be able to help me) but it got cancelled. It has now been rescheduled to be the Friday before the concert which is on the Monday. My sister today (a week before the concert) has messaged asking me to be at hers for 3pm on Monday. I replied explaining that due to my partners surgery and other things that have popped up (mostly work) I don't think I'd be able to help and look after them, especially not an
    via Fresh_Sport_4738
  • hands reach upwards in the audience at a concert with yellow lighting
    via Nainoa Shizuru
  • She has replied saying that she would sell the tickets if my partner's surgery goes ahead but if not she would still need me to look after them. However, due to her not confirming the date, or time, I assumed they'd had sold the tickets and were no longer going. I haven't booked the time off work (I would be working at home while my partner recovers) and it would now be too short notice to take the day off on the off chance my partners surgery gets cancelled again. She would also be unable to ta
    via Fresh_Sport_4738
  • So am I the a_h_le for now saying I can't look after the boys despite saying I could in may? Edit for clarity: I have asked my sister a few times since may if there's any dates I need to help out with, we're a small family and I'm usually the only one who can watch the boys if she needs someone. While she had mentioned other dates the date of the concert was never mentioned, which is why I assumed she sold the tickets. She has confirmed other dates a few times as plans change for both sides.
    via Fresh_Sport_4738
  • She also knew about my partner's surgery date change for as long as I have. Her original surgery got cancelled on 14th July and a new date was set for August within 48hours. At this point I told my sister the new date and she still didn't mention the concert or ask if I would still be available.
    via Fresh_Sport_4738
  • doctor performs surgery with surgical instruments in the foreground
    via Piron Guillaume

  • Commenters had mixed opinions, although many felt he was within his rights to cancel.

    knits2much2003 Its not your fault that your sister waffled back and forth on selling the tickets. Take care of your partner. She can hire a sitter.
    via knits2much2003
  • nuglasses Take care of your partner This is the necessary truth!
    via nuglasses
  • vabirder It's on the parent to make sure they have given the babysitter full and adequate notice.
    via vabirder
  • asamue16 She needed you to do something for her. It is her responsibility to keep in contact with you to make sure you are still available. She did not do that. Waiting a week before to contact you, no. That should've been at least a month, then 2 weeks, then 1 week. It is her fault that she didn't follow up. NTA. Take care of your partner.
    via asamue16
  • mtngrl60 I think you're both kind of jerks. I know everyone is saying it was on the sister to let you know for sure. But the issue I have with that is this: You agreed way back when to watch your sister's kids on these days. She told you she MIGHT sell the tickets. So at that point, you're still on the hook for what you agreed to do. If she doesn't tell you differently, the dates you agreed to should be on your calendar.
    via mtngrl60
  • detkikka NTA. Could you have followed up after she mentioned the possibility of selling? Sure, but it isn't your responsibility and given your partner's surgery it's ridiculous to expect that emotional labor from you.
    via detkikka
  • res06myi Both of you failed to communicate adequately. Only you know how far in advance you need to book the time off of work. You should have confirmed with her when you reached that point. So, yeah, you're kind of an a h_le, but it's not entirely your fault. Also, babysitters are a thing.
    via res06myi
  • NeverRarelySometimes NAH. Just an unfortunate confluence of events + wishy washy communications from your sister.
    via NeverRarelySometimes
  • Obvious-Block6979 It was definitely on her to verify and confirm her plans. But you should have informed her as soon as you know that you were not an option. " Hay sis I just want to let you know hubby is supposed to have his surgery on Friday before. I don't know if you sold your tickets but just incase you didn't, I can do what I promised." It's a 100% legitimate excuse to back out, but you should still confirm. Again primary responsibility falls on her.
    via Obvious-Block6979
  • PDXHolgate52ndSafety You two need to work on communication. Your sister is asking the favor but you are shirking an agreement. Let me help you with the words. "Hey sis, Nick scheduled his surgery so my time is tight, did you decide about your show?"
    via PDXHoldgate52ndSafety
  • Ginger630 Slightly ESH. As soon as you knew the date of the surgery, you should have told her. You knew the date of the concert. But she should have been in communication with you about watching her kids.
    via Ginger630
  • Fresh_Sport_4738 OP She didn't tell me the date, until today. A week before. There are multiple dates for this band and she just said she was getting tickets.
    via Fresh_Sport_4738
  • JonesBlair555 NTA for wanting to be present for your partner. YTA for not telling your sister about the change in circumstance right away, and instead waiting on her to check in with you.
    via JonesBlair555
  • AutomaticTap310 Your sister should have been very clear and kept you well informed if she expected this favor. NTA for prioritizing your partner and work.
    via AutomaticTap310
  • brent_bent You're the only one who can watch them for free. There's plenty of people who can watch them. NTA.
    via brent_bent

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nephews family drama babysitter siblings babysitting uncle family mom aita miscommunication concert reddit thread Reddit surgery
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